i (i) wrote,
i
i

from SNL, via the obama_2008 community

Tracy Morgan: Why is it that every time a black man in this country gets too good at something, there's always someone who comes around and reminds us that he's black? First Tiger. Then Donovan McNabb. Then me? Now Barack.

I have a theory about that. It's a little complicated, but basically it goes like this:

We are a racist country. The end.

It's not the people in the room, but if we're not a racist country, the how did Hillary convince everybody in Texas and Ohio that Barack didn't know how to answer the phone at three in the morning?

Let me tell you something. Barack knows how to answer that phone. He's not going to answer it like, "Hello? I'm scared. What's going on?"

He's going to answer it like I would when I get a phone call at three in the morning. "Yeah? Who's this? This better be good, or I'm going to come down there and put somebody in a wheelchair."

Some things just never change Seth.

People are saying that he's not a fighter. Let me tell you something. He's a gangster. He's from Chicago.

Barack's not just winning because he's a a black man. If that was the case, I would be winning! And I'm WAY blacker than him! I used to smoke Newports and drink Old English! I grew up on government cheese! I prefer it!

Now there's all this this stuff and all this talk about the pastor. Barack's gotta stay away from the pastor, because he's TOO black.

But just because he knows the dude, it doesn't mean he's going to think like him. Look, I have a friend who goes to strip clubs. It doesn't mean I'm going to go to the strip clubs.


Seth Meyers: But you DO go to strip clubs


Tracy Morgan: Yeah, but I go for the girls, not because my friend is going, I have integrity!

Barack is qualified. Personally, I want to know what qualifies Hillary Clinton to be the next President. Is it because she was married to the President? If that were the case, then Robin Givins would be the heavyweight champion of the world. If Hillary's last name wasn't Clinton, she'd be some crazy white lady, with too much money and not enough lovin'. That's where I come in.

I know women like that, and you do NOT want them on the phone at three in the morning!

In conclusion...

Three weeks ago, my girl Tina Fey, she came on the show and she declared that bitch is new black. And you know I love you Tina. You know you're my girl. But I have something to say...

Bitch may be the new black, but Black is the new President, bitch."
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