January 19th, 2002

eye

(no subject)

i was supposed to play chess with glauko this morning, but since i stayed up way past my bedtime last night, i overslept and stood him up. sorry glauko! i tried to email you at your lj address and the one on your site, but neither worked. :(
eye

(no subject)

i'm cleaning up and organizing the things i have never unpacked in three moves. i came across this, which i wrote May 23, 1990.

Yesterday I was assaulted. Someone three inches taller, thirty pounds heavier, and proportionally stronger than I, attacked and beat me. I have been in two fights in my life. The last of these was fourteen years ago. I don't fight. I never laid a hand on my attacker yesterday, and probably couldn't have done much damage if I had. What I did do was call him a racist - indirectly. What I actually said was that the "White Pride" tattoo emblazoned across his back was "racist shit". To me, racism is one of the ugliest aspects of human society. It is virtually impossible for me, when confronted with racism, to ignore it. Without communication, people remain isolated and ignorant of each other. I said something. I called his tattoo racist shit. Not derisively, but as a statement of fact. I believe that my tone of voice clearly indicated that "shit" meant "stuff" in context. So he beat me up, threatening to kill me while holding my throat with enough force to leave lasting marks and driving his knee into my chest. At this point I must mention that my attacker has just recently been paroled after 2 1/2 years in jail. He was not a white supremacist when he went to jail, although it is likely that he was somewhat racist, as are most humans. He would not have beaten me for the statement I made. He went to jail for drunk driving while on probation for the same offense. In other words, he consumed a legal drug known to impair judgement, and , because his judgement was impaired, drove a car. Then, while in jail, he was caught with marijuana, an illegal drug acknowledged by most to be less harmfull than the legal druc alcohol. He was sent to the "hard core" prison at Florence. At some point during this period he joined the "Aryan Brotherhood", whether for identity or protection, I don't know. He also got the tattoo that began all this. While "inside", he learned to survive by violence. Hence, I was attacked and beaten. The matter is complicated by the fact that my boss and good friend, the pastor of the church where I have worked for the past three years, is also a friend of my attacker. He is, in fact, largely responsible for his release. The attack took place in the kitchen of the church rectory as I was eating lunch. There were no witnesses. My boss is on vacation in Europe. the pastor -designate, to be my new boss in less than two months, has implied that I "asked for it" by calling the tattoo racist. I can't afford and don't want to quit my job. I don't see how sending my attacker back to jail would help either of us. He would just have his violent paranoia reinforced, and I would probably end up in more danger. An organized racist group, especially one made up of convicts, is nothing to play with. I don't feel safe going back to work with him there. My soon to be new boss, who I am already uneasy about working for, has patronized me and belittled the incident, taking my attacker's word over mine. In short my world has been invaded, I have been physically attacked, and I have nowhere to turn... Is this what it's like to be raped?

I ended up going back to work after he was told he couldn't live in the rectory any more. As soon as the new priest took over as pastor, he fired me. He was later defrocked for embezzling. I don't know what happened to the guy who beat me up.
eye

(no subject)

Truth and bone
Heather Nova

Sometimes I can feel you breathing into me.
And these hands I can feel them tugging at my sleeve,
I move through the day in the rhythm that I've known.
I've got this crazy dream of stripping down to truth and bone.


All of it, all of it, all of it stripped down.
All of it, all of it, all of it, to truth and bone.


My mouth is full of secrets I'm too afraid to tell.
My body's full of longing for you to know me well.
I move through the day in the rhythms that I've known.
I've got this crazy dream of stripping down to truth and bone.


All of it, all of it, all of it stripped down.
All of it, all of it, all of it, to truth and bone.


I think of sinking in way over my shoulders, let the water, the water take me in and I need you to cut through to where I'm hidden, I'm awkward and I'm too polite and I want two stars for arms like orion I could breathe in and breathe in and breathe out.
If I could only lose myself
I would lose myself in you,
I move trough the day in the rhythms that I've known.
I've got this crazy dream of stripping down to truth and bone.


All of it, all of it, all of it stripped down.
All of it, all of it, all of it, to truth and bone.