i (i) wrote,

funny from email.

"In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of Evil" -- N.Y.
Times, 1/30/02


Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own

Beijing? Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil,"
Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as
Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North
Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having,
for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their
dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're
the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although
they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis
can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam
Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had
Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And
a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."

THE AXIS PANDEMIC International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration
was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious
nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of
geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the Axis
of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the
Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established
the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up,
Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the
Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America, while
Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Be
Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.

"That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish
Executive First Minister Jack McConnell. While wondering if the other
nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush
granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of
the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members
of filing a false application.. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and
Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately,
world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

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