real life is something i haven't experienced in a long time. everything is tempered by interpretation and desire. simply experiencing the moment is a goal that seems unattainable in my world. time and my perception of it pulling me away from events people and things i should be savoring. my once powerful connection to the earth and her creatures seems so very tenuous now, to be felt only in small bursts when i manage to escape my cage of goals, expectations, and self-imposed limitations. the temptation to drop everything is very strong at times. i was so very alive when i was living on the edge. my dreams seemed more real and attainable when they were all i had. now i have many things and few dreams.